Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Picking up the pieces

Well, Friday is the day.
I've been studying a lot this week.
And I know, oh, maybe half of the stuff I need to know.
Like, I get 50-60% on every practice test I take.

I know I said I wasn't stressed
- and I've done pretty well -
but I am getting a bit overwhelmed
when I realize how much I need to know
to pass this test
and to be a great nurse.

I trust that God will give me wisdom in my work
and will protect my future patients
from any mistakes I may make.
At least, this is my prayer.

But when I think about the fact that my ability to take care of people
rests on a single "computer adaptive exam"
and my ability to differentiate between
"the NCLEX world" and "the real world,"
(literally they say this!)
I start to get a little overwhelmed.

It didn't help when I left Em and Bakes alone for a couple hours today
to find my bedspread ripped
and my room looking like it had snowed from all the stuffing
that was supposed to be so neatly tucked away inside
but was instead floating around my room.

That's kinda how my brain feels.
Tired, confused, and fragmented.
The stuff that should be so neatly compartmentalized
in its protective covering, or, head
is instead splattered all over the place
in no apparent order.

But God showed me His grace and His faithfulness
tonight in my elderly neighbor
whom I took a walk with
and who told me she would try to remember to pray for me on Friday.

and last night in two encouraging scriptures from my sister:

one from the book of Isaiah -
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." 
Isaiah 41:10

and the other from the mouth of Jesus -
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." 
John 14:27

And in an email from my mom to tell me she's proud of me
before I even pass the darn thing.
Because, it's not really about passing.
But it would be nice if that was a result :)

And so, time continues to move forward
and I pray God will help me make sense of the stuffing scattered about
to answer each question wisely and accurately.

Regardless of the outcome on Friday,
I will trust in the Lord.
For He is worthy to be praised.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 
2 Corinthians 4:7-9


  1. Jordanna, I'm praying for you this week. But more importantly, I'm proud of who you are. And I love you to pieces.

  2. You are going to do wonderful, Jordanna. You will feel like you failed after you take it, but I am confident you have the necessary skills to pass. You are an EXCELLENT nurse.

  3. Thanks Lindsey! I miss you. How is life and the become-a-nurse attempt going? :)