Friday, January 31, 2014

Remembering Marriage

In being pregnant and eagerly anticipating the arrival of our beautiful baby girls in April... or March... I've been thinking about what life will look like. What does like look like now, and how will it change? I don't have all the answers to that question. I mean, I have a few ideas. And of course people's input. But can you really know?

Now, I wake up a few times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then I climb back into bed. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to fall asleep. Sometimes it doesn't. Soon, I will be woken up many many times to sweet sounds, or loud cries. And I will attempt to feed those babies and put them back to bed. But they might not be ready to go back to bed. And they might still cry. And then I might cry. Because we're all tired. I will wake up in the morning (I think the definition of morning will be redefined... although I am a night nurse, so I like to think I understand the wee hours of the night and morning) exhausted. And I will do it all over again. And it will be worth it.

Now, J and I decide what we want for dinner. If we want to go out, we go out. If we want pizza, we have pizza. Or make quesadillas together. Soon, going out will be a once-thought-of-now-there's-no-way inkling in the back of our minds. We probably won't have 30 minutes of quiet to make quesadillas. There won't be dinner if it wasn't thought up much sooner, or supplied by our amazing families. And it will be worth it.

Now, our house is relatively quiet. I say, "it's too quiet" sometimes and turn on music to fill the space. I talk to the dogs and our little Luigi like they are people. [which they are definitely smarter than most give them credit for]. Soon, there will be moments when I think, can it just be quiet? And once it is quiet, I will tiptoe to protect that quiet. For however many minutes it lasts. But the noise will be worth it.

Now, J and I read before bed. We chat and snuggle. And we go to bed when we want to. [when I'm not working]. Soon, we will be lucky if we get any moments in bed at the same time. One will probably fall into bed exhausted followed by the other after the babies are finally sleeping... for maybe an hour. And it will be worth it.

There will be a thousand little changes. And all of them will be amazing. Some will be challenging. I'm sure there will be times when I wish for the simplicity of now. And now, things don't even seem so simple. But they will soon.

I've been thinking about my husband and how much I love him, and how much I love these girls already. And how these girls are probably going to take quite a bit of attention from our marriage. And that's okay. We know that. 

But I want our marriage to be first. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but I think that's maybe the biggest danger of having children. That suddenly because they cry for attention, they take much of the love too. I don't think it's intentional, and even that it's necessarily bad. But I want to protect our marriage. I want to be more in love with my husband in six months than I am now. And years down the road, when they are all grown, I want to look at my husband and still truly know him. And him to truly know me. 

And for our marriage to be first, God must be first first. Because I know He is our strength. He will carry us and He will be the glue that holds us all together. Because when we love Him, we can love each other, and in turn love our children with the deepest love imaginable. I can't wait!

I've noticed this blog entry floating around the interweb over the last few days. Becky articulates this so much better than I am. Well, she's a few years ahead of me as far as kids go. I'm thankful for others who understand. It's a must-read.

Lord, protect our marriage and our family. Fill us up with love overflowing for each other and for our children, and for you. Be our strength and our center. Thank you for your faithfulness.

Friday, January 17, 2014

{twin} Pregnancy thus Far

I haven't been very good at keeping track of how pregnancy is going in writing. So instead, I'll write one long post with pretty much all the bump pictures I've taken (which actually isn't as many as I wanted) ... so I remember. Journey with me back to last August... back to the beginning. :)

August 11, 2013 - we found out we were 5 weeks pregnant!
We kept it hush hush for awhile as we slowly let people in on our secret.

Within about four days of finding out we were pregnant, all the way to almost week 16, I was so sick. Nausea and vomiting all the way. So not many pictures were taken during that time, since my time was spent making it through work, and then resting until I had to go back to work. Which was extra challenging, since my work didn't know I was pregnant!

Cravings? Nothing too crazy... Just a Wendy's junior bacon cheeseburger and chocolate Frosty. :) So thankful to my mom, sis, and J who brought me this meal countless times when nothing else would work. 
Besides that? String cheese. And crackers until I couldn't stand saltines anymore.
What did I hate? apples.

We did have excitement around week 13 when we went in for our first ultrasound and our baby got her first picture taken. At this point, we only knew about one baby. And we have the picture to prove it. Where baby B was hiding, we still don't know. We were so excited to hear and see her heartbeat (we also didn't know she was a she at this point... in fact, John was set on the fact that it was definitely a boy. And I was pretty sure too).

Week 14 (October 2013) - thinking I was over being sick by this point, I planned a trip up to Seattle and Oregon for the two of us. Turns out, I was still sick. But we managed some special memories and laughs in the midst of it. :)

Week 16 - beginning of November. Starting to have a tiny bump. Now everyone (minus facebook) knew we were pregnant and I was happy since I finally had a couple days of no nausea. We had a doctor's appointment this week and baby is doing fine! (still just one...) We also moved this week from our sweet first owned condo into a house we are renting. Thank goodness I had slightly more energy for that. Although, we hired movers... I will always hire movers when moving! Worth every penny!

19 weeks - in our new home. So thankful to be feeling better still! Minus being tired. Still waiting for the official 'first movement' from baby.

Almost 20 weeks (half way!) - first bump picture I posted. This week was Thanksgiving, and I had a one-of-a-kind perfect spa day with Mom and Carly (Mom's treat!) complete with my first pregnancy massage and a mani-pedi, and yummy snacks/drinks/food. Our big ultrasound is next week!!!

We had a few Christmas/maternity photos taken by my college friend, the lovely Desiree Fortin of Shutter and Spice Photography two days before our ultrasound. We even snapped a couple photos for a gender reveal. ha! That didn't really work!

And then, we found out for sure we were having a GIRL... but not just one... TWO!
That was sure fun to tell our families!!! And friends, and work girls, and and and!

21+4 weeks - Grandma's birthday tea time with the ladies (I'm attempting to show the bump, which you couldn't see in the pic with Grandma :)) ... and lots of 'oh my goodness TWIN GIRLS!' talk! And I finally felt one of them move this week! J helped me by feeling what was like a twitch at the same time I felt it. SO exciting. I had been waiting to feel them!

24 weeks - Christmas Day with my beautiful sister (she is ecstatic to be an auntie!)

25 weeks - between Christmas and New Year's

26 weeks - January 7, 2014
We had a follow-up ultrasound last week and the girls are looking great! Fun thing about twins is because they are considered 'high-risk', we get more ultrasounds to check on them/watch them! 
(ps: Brinkley is the sweetest funniest dog!)

and today... 27+3 weeks (did they just pop out or what?!)

Other than getting really sick this week with some crazy flu/cold/bronchitis combo, I've been feeling pretty great this trimester. They are both moving more and more each day. Little A is on the right and Little B is on the left. I've been praying for them lots and trying to keep a little journal (although two journals is hard!). 

I'm SO thankful for these two precious gifts God is blessing us with. J and I (and our fams) can't be more excited to meet them and hold them and love them! Our babies!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Little Letters

Dear Steve,
     Happy birthday to the best stepdad ever. Can't wait for you to get to be a grandpa this year. Love you.

Dear mail lady,
     I appreciate you faithfully delivering our mail every day, but would you mind closing the box just a bit quieter? It never ceases to freak out my puppies and wake me from my work naps.

Dear cold/flu/bronchitis,
     Whatever you are, you are no longer welcome in my body. Can you please go away? I'm tired of sounding like a smoker, having zero energy, and missing things.

Dear Little A and Little B,
     I am so in love with you girls already!! Thank you for continuing to move around while I've been sick to reassure me you're doing just fine. Daddy and I are working on the perfect names for you both. We just can't wait to meet you!

Dear Michael W Smith,
     25 or some albums later, and you still know how to rock the house. Thanks for singing a few of hubby's favorites. He is most definitely your biggest fan.

Dear Sansom family,
     Thank you so much for the extra special delivery of our sweet homemade twins sign in our mail yesterday. You all mean so much to me and I can't wait for you to meet my girls so soon!

Dear Adrian,
     You are a little miracle. I love your little voice and your random phone calls. I can't believe you're gonna be four years old in just a couple months!

Dear messy clutter of my house,
     One day I'll clean you and organize you. Trust me, I'm not ignoring you. But goodness you take a lot of energy! Thanks for being gracious and providing a roof over our heads anyway.

Dear J,
     You work so. hard. I am so. proud. of. you. And I cannot. wait. to hang out on weekends again. Thanks for taking care of me even when you're tired and engaging in conversation when I ask you "what do you think about ..... for a name?" Can't wait to watch these girls steal your heart. Save some for me ;).

Dear Panera,
     Can I put you on daily delivery to my house? You make everything better, whether the day is hot or cold, sick or healthy, good or bad.

Dear Jesus,
     You are Enough. You are my strength and my song. You carry me, and you are protecting and growing these tiny angels day after day. Thank you for being everything.