Living Today for Forever

It's 4:00am and I'm wide awake.
The Lord has made himself so real to me over the last twenty hours.

Yesterday around lunchtime, my grandpa went to be with Jesus.
He was given 72 hours the night before.

As I stood by his bedside with my family, I was overwhelmed with the reality that he was meeting Jesus.
Right then.

Just an hour before, I sat at the kitchen table with my mom and grandma and uncle talking about his life and our lives and experiences within life.

And I realized how quickly this life goes and life with Jesus begins.
And life matters. What we do matters.
In terms of today. And yesterday and tomorrow.
But Who we live for is what really matters.
In terms of forever.

Sometimes I lose perspective. I forget that I am living for Jesus today for eternity. Sometimes [well, most of the time] my mind can't grasp the concept of forever. I try and try and I really do love to think about it. But I forget to think about today and forever in the same thought. Sometimes today seems overwhelming and hard and forever seems exciting but so far away. But I think they are more intertwined than that.

I live today because I have the confidence I will live forever with Jesus.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
{1 Peter 1:3-9}

I must live in faith today. My faith must be proven genuine so that it may result in praise, honor and glory when Jesus is revealed. What an amazing challenge! The Lord is asking me to have faith that he is who he says he is and that he will do all he says he will accomplish. And one day I will see him face to face. I will meet Jesus! And I will know fully that all he says is true.

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
{1 Corinthians 13:12}

Lord, help me not forget. Remind me moment by moment your purpose for your children. I can't wait to meet you face to face, Lord. And oh, what must that moment be like!! But in this day, in this moment, meet me. You know me fully now, and soon I will know you fully. Until that day, Lord, reveal yourself to me bit by bit, day by day. And I will follow you.

Grandpa was so tough, so when I see him smile, it makes me so happy. 

I love that Grandpa has his camera. He was always snapping pictures... never when we were ready for them :).

Divine cups of coffee

A few weeks ago, my sister and I decided to take our pups on a cousin walk. This is a newer thing we've been doing to try to warm Baker up to the thought of having to share his auntie with a cute little rambunctious Ava. ;) So far... well, each day is another step.

Regardless...

We decided to walk so we would pass Starbucks close to the end of our walk. We decided we would pick up a few drinks to go.

But once we got there, we said to each other, "should we stay or go? ehh... let's just sit for a few minutes."

As we discussed something related to the amount of cream vs sweetener vs extra pumps required to make our iced coffees just right, a young woman walked up to us from her car. She said, "can I pet your dogs?" "Of course!" we said. She sat down at our table with us and we introduced the animals.

As I said "and this is Emma... she's really shy..." I watched my sensitive intuitive puppy walk right up to this girl and sit quietly in front of her. And she just stayed and let this girl pet her.

After a few minutes of petting her and talking about how much she loves animals, she told us she lost her kitty the week prior. Then she told us she was on her way to spread her dad's ashes. He had died in the hospital about a month prior. She talked about how she had to speak and was having a hard time, and about her kids and how they were coping with the loss of grandpa. And she said how much she has missed having a pet since her kitty ran away. She said, "I pulled up and saw your dogs and I said to my husband, 'I have to pet those dogs.' And he said, 'I know.'"

We spent about 10 minutes listening to her share her story. We shed tears together and we talked about life. And the whole time, my skiddish Emma sat faithfully and let this woman pet her. Finally, she said she should probably go get her coffee and head to the ceremony. As she got up, I caught a glimpse of the tattoo on her arm with scripture on it.

After she walked inside, Carly and I looked at each other in amazement. I said we should have prayed for her. Carly said she was thinking the same exact thing. We decided we still needed to. I told her about the verse on her arm.

A few moments later, the woman walked out with her husband and we stopped her. "Are you a Christian?" "yes" she said. "We are too. Can we pray for you?" "YES! please! oh you want to?! thank you!" and she sat down so quickly. Emma quickly walked back to her and sat down. And we prayed for this young girl. For her heart. For her words. For wisdom and comfort and peace. For healing. For protection. For her children. For her family.

At the end, we looked up with tears in our eyes and all gave each other hugs. "I'm Jamie" she said. "I feel connected now!" she said. We said goodbye.

As we watched Jamie and her husband drive off to her dad's service, we again looked at each other amazingly.

1. we were not even going to sit. we sat for a few minutes just on a whim.
2. emma never sits that still with strangers. she's always so skiddish. but she's also the most perceptive animal i've ever known and she knew something was going on and Jamie needed her.
3. we both knew we needed to pray. and Jamie knew she needed to be prayed for.
4. we all took leaps of faith. and God made Himself SO real, so present, so loving, so true.

We slowly made the walk back home. But we were different. We watched a little miracle happen. In all of our hearts.

This is the evidence of God at work.

Reliving the past [part 2]

Well, it's gone. My poor sad bottom front tooth. #27 if you're in the field. ;)

I survived. And I'm doing well. I've got the soft foods lined up...

Eaten: strawberry jello and sponge bob macaroni and cheese (thanks for the smile on that one, love)

Still to eat: chocolate and vanilla pudding, mashed potatoes, more macaroni and cheese, cherry jello, and 

-- drum roll please --

mud pie ice cream. {insert hallelujah chorus here}

It's weird to know my tooth is gone forever at age 25. Usually when you hear about people losing teeth, they're older and it's because they didn't take care of them. Oh well.

My sister wrote about her thoughts on this day. Made me cry. She's such a great writer. And an even better sister. {no offense on the writing ;)}

The accident I was in --- she was in it too. She was amazing -- her broken back that still bothers her sometimes, and yet she always made sure I was okay. It's kinda crazy to go through a trauma like that with someone. So many hard days. A few really awful days. And more and more good days. As awful as it was, I'm so thankful for that experience and the unique relationship my sister and I have through it. 

It's crazy how having this surgery has reminded me of that day on July 2, 1999. It has reminded me where we came from and the miraculous recovery we made. It has reminded me that I am thankful for life, love, laughter, joy, family, and friends. All of which have been so therapeutic this week. 

I'm thankful for a mom who met me at the surgeon's just as I was going back to give me a hug. For her prayers and wisdom through all of this. And for the flowers on my doorstep when I returned home. 

For a husband who prayed with me for me last night, who sat in the empty waiting room all morning, who walked me out of the office with his strong arm, who made me yummy food {the soft diet is pretty awesome for me since I love all those foods}, who fed and walked the dogs for me, who told me I'm pretty even without all my teeth. 

For a mother-in-law who texted me the sweetest prayer last night, and this morning and who checked on me today. 

For a sister who left me a thoughtful voicemail and who gets it. 

For friends like Jessi who reminded me she's praying for me, and for friends like Lindsey who send thoughtful texts offering to bring Panera soup. :) 

For two puppies who hang out with me and my Emma who understands something happened today and has laid next to me all afternoon.

For a home that is cozy, clean and peaceful. For the blessing of having food to eat, and movies to watch, and books to read. For Ibuprofen and Vicodin. :)

It's funny how you don't realize how much something will affect life later. Until later. 

Thank you Lord for your mercy and your grace, your provision and your peace, and your faithfulness.

"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, 

so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Hebrews 4:16

{ps: I'm taking Vicodin, which I of course think I'm fine on, but hopefully this post makes sense...}

Reliving the past

{disclaimer: this post is semi-medically detailed...and fairly straightforward...
and when I said I wasn't nervous... well, I am. :)
and when i said 13 years ago...well, i can't count and it was 12}

Tomorrow morning, I have to get a tooth extracted.
But it's not my fault.
I have no cavities and I brush and floss
{I do floss Mom!... she's a dental hygienist ;)}

I was in a car accident 13 years ago.
A bad one.
What happened?
In a nutshell:
I almost died... seriously.
many injuries {a brain injury, broken jaw, torn spleen, broken arm, left sided weakness, inability to walk, slurred speech, broken pelvis, broken clavicle...}
a ten-day coma and month-long hospital stay,
months of physical, occupational, and speech therapy,
a year of wearing a leg brace and rolling my backpack at school because I couldn't carry it,
and all the emotion that goes with being 12 and almost dying.
And I made a complete miraculous recovery by the grace of God.

It became my story.
My life was forever changed and I constantly strive to live day to day finding joy in the moments.
You just never know how many moments you get.
And I thought it was my story... past tense.

But then last year at my dental cleaning,
we found I would soon lose one of my teeth due to trauma.
The trauma 13 years ago.

So, tomorrow, I will have that tooth removed.
And Friday, a pretend one placed.
And that is the beginning of this little adventure.

So what do I think?

I get to be off work tomorrow. This is not great. But I am thankful.
I'm thankful for an incredible team of dental professionals and a mom who understands it all.
Teeth don't really matter in the heavenly picture.
I'm thankful for a husband who goes grocery shopping for all the soft foods my heart could desire, who makes jello for me, who takes the day off to take care of me, and who encourages me.
I love him.
It's always good to have a good book on hand.
Every day is a gift. I'm thankful for life.
God is faithful, sovereign, and Holy.

I'm not really nervous.
I'm a little sad.
But I'm ready.

We will remember [9-11-2001]

10 years ago...

*

We were driving to school. I was a freshman in high school, only a couple weeks in. Mom and I stopped to pick up Emily and Melodie, like usual... Emily's mom ran out and asked if we had heard. We turned on the radio. It was on every station. My mom said, "this is a big deal. this is bad." I didn't completely understand yet, but I believed her. Throughout the school day, classrooms were filled with the news. I didn't learn anything new at school that day. Except for what happened in America. And I started to get it.

I am forever thankful to the men and women who lost their lives to save others that day. The firefighters, the police officers, the military, the good citizens. I am thankful for our emergency service personnel who continue to save lives daily. I am thankful for our military who put themselves in harm's way and protect our nation. I am thankful for the families who support these people. I am brokenhearted for the family members who lost loved ones ten years ago, and those who have lost loved ones since then protecting others.

source

We will not forget.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me."

Psalm 23:4

Capture the moment

man's best friend.

{*}

To remember our sweet Casey

This past Saturday, after thirteen wonderful and special years, my family had to make the awful decision to put our sweet Casey puppy down. 

We got Casey when I was in 6th grade. She was my sister's puppy. Carly named her and claimed her from the start. Casey brought joy to our home from day one - even in her puppy years of chew chew chewing everything in sight :). Crazy labradors :). 

Casey always wanted to be in the same room as everyone. As long as everyone could hang out together, she was happy as could be. She loved her life and everything in it. She loved looking out the front screen door. She was the guard dog of the house, always alerting of strangers. [Although she'd never harm a soul, we didn't tell the strangers that]. In the midst of all types of medical challenges, Casey always had a smile for us.

There's something about a dog. Animals truly change a home. They love you no matter what. They kiss your tears and share in your excitement. Animals are the best, and Casey was no exception.

We love you, pretty girl. Thanks for changing our lives with your sweet heart.

On my heart

"Naked I came from my mother’s womb, 

and naked shall I return. 

The Lord gave, 

and the Lord has taken away; 

blessed be the name of the Lord."

Job 1:21

Pray for Kate

I've been following Kate's story and praying for her and her sweet family for over a year now. 

I love this family. Aaron and Holly love their three kids so very much, and they treasure their little girl, Kate. 

In summary, Kate was diagnosed with brain cancer June 29, 2009 at the age of five. 

A year later, after multiple surgeries, chemo treatments, and radiation, her brain scans came back clean. 

She continued to have scans every three months to check for any new growth. 

She's a little miracle.

Last week, she had another MRI.

This one came back with two new spots.

This week, Kate's neurologist and medical team shared with the family that the spots are cancer.

This seven year old little girl needs our prayers more than ever.

Please pray for her parents, Aaron and Holly.

Pray for her little brother Will, and her big sister Olivia.

 [source for all photos] 

Isaiah 43:1-2

"But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.""

Imprints on my life

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." 

Colossians 3:1-4

In the midst of so many blessings, I am overwhelmed with the brevity of life and the loss of a few special lives, and yet I am celebrating their joyful time in Heaven with our Lord right now.

First there was Pat. My RD my junior year of college, and one of the most inspirational people I knew at Point Loma. She passed away June 25th of this year of breast cancer. Her service is this Saturday.

And now my friend Jaimee. Jaimee and I lived in the dorm together that same year I was an RA. She loved life and loved Jesus with her entire life. And she loved Rony. 

A small example of Jaimee and Rony's joyful spirits: one night after an incredible evening of worship with an incredibly talented worship leader, Jaimee and Rony were going out to dinner with Lincoln and his band. We were there also, because we loved Lincoln. And they invited us along. "You guys are welcome to come!" Just like that. And we went. And we all had dinner together. They didn't even know us well, except Jaimee and I lived near each other and we all always said hi and chatted a bit. But they both reached out.

Jaimee and Rony loved the Lord and loved each other. They married each other after graduation.

Jaimee also had Cystic Fibrosis.

Two weeks ago, she wrote a love song to Jesus.
This Sunday morning, Jaimee went to sing it to Him in person.
Rony wrote about her journey and their faith yesterday.
Please pray for him. And their families, the Renfrow's and Baker's. And friends. 
Her service is Wednesday.

I don't really understand the devastation in this world.
But I do understand the need for a Savior.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Matthew 5:4

I looked at my J as I told him. Our eyes filled with tears and we hugged.
"It's us," I said. "Except she was sick."

And I realized, this is what matters.
Making the most of every moment.
Finding joy in the small things.
In every thing.

Ironing. Making dinner. Laughing. Listening. Meeting my neighbors. Stopping to say hi.
Hugging my husband. Calling my mom. Walking Emma and Baker. Reading the Word.

I want to live a life that overflows with joy... laughter... grace... peace.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know if I will get sick or hit by a car, or be blessed with another day.

But no matter what, I want to live today like it counts.
Because today is what matters.

"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation."

Psalm 95:1

Shave for a purpose

Remember my special friend and RD who passed away from cancer two weeks ago?

She worked at a camp in New Mexico, and
this is what her friends and coworkers did for her. 

She made a difference. 

One life affected so many lives.

And now those people are making a difference. 

For even more lives.

What a gift to witness God's compassion being poured out through His people.

In loving memory

Today, a special family said goodbye to a very special lady.

Pat was my resident director (RD) during my junior year of college when I was an RA. She was a woman of strength, love, compassion, and hope. And she loved Jesus with all her heart.

Pat suffered over the past year from a relapse of breast cancer that metastasized. She fought a long and hard battle, with her amazing husband, Howard, alongside her. Her two daughters, Sara and Amy, went to be with her last Sunday - just in time. She chose to go on Hospice on Monday.

Pat showed so many what it means to have hope in the midst of difficult times. She was an inspiration to me, along with her family. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to gain wisdom and insight from her.

Pat has been in good spirits during this entire battle. She has always been full of laughter and life. We had so much fun with her as RAs. Her joyful and genuine spirit was infectious.

You are so missed Pat.

But how amazing that you got to meet Jesus today.

Thank Goodness for this Friday

This is what my Savior did for me. For us.

This is true love.

"Finally Pilate handed him over to them to be crucified. So the soldiers took charge of Jesus. Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha). Here they crucified him, and with him two others—one on each side and Jesus in the middle.

Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. Many of the Jews read this sign, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Aramaic, Latin and Greek. The chief priests of the Jews protested to Pilate, "Do not write 'The King of the Jews,' but that this man claimed to be king of the Jews."

Pilate answered, "What I have written, I have written."

When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom.

"Let's not tear it," they said to one another. "Let's decide by lot who will get it."
      This happened that the scripture might be fulfilled which said,
   "They divided my garments among them
      and cast lots for my clothing." So this is what the soldiers did.

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty."A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Now it was the day of Preparation, and the next day was to be a special Sabbath. Because the Jews did not want the bodies left on the crosses during the Sabbath, they asked Pilate to have the legs broken and the bodies taken down. The soldiers therefore came and broke the legs of the first man who had been crucified with Jesus, and then those of the other. But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus' side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. The man who saw it has given testimony, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, and he testifies so that you also may believe. These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: "Not one of his bones will be broken," and, as another scripture says, "They will look on the one they have pierced."

Later, Joseph of Arimathea asked Pilate for the body of Jesus. Now Joseph was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly because he feared the Jews. With Pilate's permission, he came and took the body away. He was accompanied by Nicodemus, the man who earlier had visited Jesus at night. Nicodemus brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about seventy-five pounds. Taking Jesus' body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs. At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid. Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there."

John 19:16-42

Thank you Jesus for dying.
And then rising.
For me.
For all of us.

Sure looking forward to celebrating your resurrection on Sunday.

In the arms of Jesus

Sweet Layla Grace went to be with Jesus this morning.

Remember her?

Her website is down, probably because of the traffic, so a few other places to read about her are here or here or here.

What an awful thing to die from cancer. And to die so young. I don't really understand it all. But I know Layla has touched more lives in her 27 months I think I can touch in my lifetime. I am so thankful for her little life and her huge testimony.

God, I pray for your perfect peace and love to fill the Marsh home. To fill Ryan and Shanna's hearts, and the hearts of their little girls, Jenna and Claire. I pray that they would cling to each other and to you in this time of heartache and confusion. Remind them why they can trust you.

Pray for Layla Grace

I recently started following this blog about a family of five. Mom, dad, Jenna - age 9 (today), Claire, and Layla Grace - age 2. Layla has stage 4 neuroblastoma. Cancer. She has about a day or two left. You can follow her on twitter here to get updates. Tonight, her big sisters said goodbye and are going to stay with their grandma. Layla is at home with her mom and dad.

Layla Grace needs God's peace. Her family knows the peace and love of Jesus. Pray that there would be an outpouring of His grace and peace and love on this family tonight. In this moment.

This is Layla when she got a puppy a few weeks back. The puppy hasn't left her side.

I am truly humbled at the faith of this family. They trust God completely. Even though they don't understand. They understand His love. God loves this family and God loves Layla Grace.

Just as much as God loves me and you.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

Kutless - What Faith Can Do

Thankful for the Repairman

Today J and I took our cars to the shop for their check up. John was proud that his '97 camry was in tip top condition. My sweet explorer, however, needed a bit of tune up. They changed the transmission fluid and some cap to something, and heck if I can remember the name, or what it does.

It was rough to watch. When we picked up J's car, I saw mine in the shop, with the hood up and some boxes sitting on it. I said to J, oh it hurts to see it like that.

But it worked. And my beautiful blue car smiled at me as I hopped in it, feeling as good as new.

And I got to thinking.

God is our repairman. Sometimes (many times) I have to go to the shop. He prunes me so I can be more fruitful. And it's tough to go through. And to watch.

But He prunes us to be more fruitful. He is the vine. We are His branches. We can only bear fruit if we remain in Him. John 15.

It's tree trimming season. Winter. They just clipped all the leaves off the trees in our complex. Like, all of them. So I am seeing this first hand. And I know it is rough for those branches to feel bare and exposed. But in just a few months, they will be more beautiful than ever. I can see the bigger picture.

That is the cool thing about God. He knows what will be in a few months. He can see the biggest picture. That is why I trust Him to do the pruning. To be my Repairman.