39 Days

Thirty nine days of being a mommy to Maddie and Rachel.

Thirty nine days of sleeping less than three hours at a time... always.

Thirty nine days of tears, laughs, hugs, exhaustion, and pure joy.

Thirty nine days of feeding babies, pumping milk, washing bottles, changing diapers.

Thirty nine days of cycling through every emotion that exists within a matter of minutes at times.

Thirty nine days of falling in love with my husband in a whole new way as we take on the 

immense blessing and challenge of parenting together.

Thirty nine of the best and hardest days of my life.

I can't believe it's only been thirty nine days.

I can't believe it's already been thirty nine days.

I have learned that I can function on far less sleep than I ever thought possible. 

[being a night nurse, I thought I already did this. well, now I reallllllllly do this.]

I have learned that anything and everything has the potential to make me cry.

[the thought of them getting one day older, trying to feed them, Maddie's puckered lip when she cries and Rachel's hoarse high pitched whimper, their snuggles, anyone doing anything for me, sweet texts, cards, verses of encouragement... you name it.]

I have learned that being a mommy is the hardest thing I have ever done. 

Harder than I ever thought possible.

I have learned that being a mommy is the greatest joy I have ever experienced. 

Greater than I ever thought possible.

I have learned that each day is made of moments, and living in this moment is the best way to live. Thank you Mom for this best piece of advice and encouragement you could have given.

I have learned that my Savior's love for me is deeper than I ever really understood.

I have learned He truly is my strength when I am weak.

I am SO thankful for the blessing of being a mommy.

Madelyn Joy and Rachel Claire are the biggest gifts I could have ever received.

Thank you Lord for these moments.

Soon there will be three...

We are so so so excited to share our big news...

John and I could not be more thankful for this little treasure that the Lord is forming inside me.

"For you created my inmost being;

 you knit me together in my mother's womb. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; 

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

Baby McGovern is coming April 2014!

{fearing} A {un} Filled Home

I have always hoped for and dreamed of and prayed for my family. My husband, my children, my animals, my home, the environment created for my family. And lately, with children being more on the forefront of my mind than in past years {no, none are living in my tummy today}, I have had many more of these thoughts.

But with excitement for children and having a full home comes countless fears.
Part of it could stem from my work as a nurse. I see so many things that can go wrong in pregnancy and birth and having a baby. And I've seen the long-term effects of the challenges that drag on.
But I fear so much.

What if I can't get pregnant. What if my baby is not healthy. What if something goes wrong in the womb. What if I pass on something I didn't even know I had. What if my child gets cancer. What if my child has a chronic condition that requires me to care for him or her every moment of the day. What if I do something wrong that terribly screws up my children. What if they don't see love. What if they don't want to be home. What if I don't know what to do.

Fear is paralyzing. It stops you dead in your tracks and worry keeps you from taking another step.

I used to worry alot. Growing up I was afraid of everything, it seemed. I have come so far as far as fear is concerned. God has shown me He conquers fear and perfect love casts out fear. And so I try to go through my days and keep moving forward and not allow fears or unforeseen worries creep into my mind. Because really, I can't do anything about them!

But this kid thing... my goodness, these are my children I am thinking about. It seems different.

Yet I know God's word is just as true for my children. I know that my {unborn} children are not mine, they are the Lord's. I know if I am blessed to be a mommy he is entrusting these precious children to me for a time. And that is such an honor.

So I rejoice in the blessing of hoping for a full family. A home full of love and peace and joy and laughter. I want to trust the Lord fully with these requests. And each day, little by little, I trust Him more and more.

It's exciting to think about having a family. :)

A Thankful Heart: New Life & Coffee Dates in Red Cups

Today, I had the blessing of making house visits and visiting special people in my life.

First, I spent the morning with my special friend at home on bedrest.

We celebrated her birthday with peppermint lattes and lots of girl talk on her comfy couches.

Sipping coffee, doing her dishes, sharing in her nursery room joy,

and talking about the future of children and the treasure of new life.

Laughing thinking back over the journey of life we have walked through together 

and how we ended up where we are now.

I loved every minute of our time together.

The Lord is molding her heart for the little one still growing inside her 

and I am so excited for her to get to experience being a mom. 

She's going to be amazing at it.

 [from her baby shower last week]

Then I visited my little buddy Adrian and his mommy Nicole.

I used to have the privilege of watching him grow up every day.

Now I get to jump in for snippets every once in awhile.

It was so fun to watch this little 2 1/2 year old jump around, dance, laugh, ask for tickles, and tell me all the words he knows. And it was so special to catch up with his mommy and hear about the family and wedding plans and silly kid stories and yummy dinner ideas.

All over white peppermint mocha frappuccinos.

There's something about sharing coffee with friends that creates a bond.

Especially on day one of red cups.

It is so exciting to think about the future, to share dreams with each other, to laugh,

to plan and then say - Lord take my plan.

Today, I am thankful for new life. 

And getting to see and share in it over red coffee cups.

Welcome to this world, Elle Jasmine

August 5, 2011 at 1:12am,

Mark and Katie met their long-awaited, precious 

Elle Jasmine Ritter

for the first time.

6.5 lbs of beauty, grace, peace and love in a baby.

J and I went to visit our friends and meet Elle Sunday morning before church

when she was only 55 hours old.

We enjoyed blueberry muffins and coffee bean together

as we watched their little girl squirm and smile and coo and sleep

and chatted about life, labor, moving, friendship, and change.

And of course, we took a few pictures.

I love how Mark and Katie celebrate together. They had the entire house decorated for Elle.

princess Elle [the "elle" was courtesy of crafty jess]

Meet Elle

their family... exhausted but so peaceful and joyful

Congratulations, M and K.

We are truly so excited for you.

Thank you for letting us share in your joy with you.

Your little girl is beautiful.

So honored to watch you grow as parents together.

We love you!

The W in Christmas

My mom (via my grandma) forwarded me this story in an email...

I must share it. I can identify with this woman at the beginning of the story.

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful
 experience.

 I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing,
 endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.

 Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the
 precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of
 Christmas.

 My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting
 season for a six year old.

 For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter
 Pageant."

 I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the
 production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his
 teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning

of the presentation.

 All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then.

 Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.

 So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes
 early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the
 room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.
 As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class,
 accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then,
 each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

 Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the
 holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun,
 commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes
 and good cheer.

 So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was
 slightly taken aback by its bold title.

 Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy
 mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.

 Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by
 one, to spell out the title of the song.

 As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up
 the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each
 child holding up his portion had presented the complete message,
 "Christmas Love."

 The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her;
 a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside
 down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".

 The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little
 one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she
 stood tall, proudly holding her "W".

 Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter
 continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it
 together.

 A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.

 In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we
 celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos,
 there was a purpose for our festivities.

 For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and
 clear:
 "C H R I S T  W A S  L O V E"

 And, I believe, He still is.
 Amazed in His presence... .humbled by His love.