39 Days

Thirty nine days of being a mommy to Maddie and Rachel.

Thirty nine days of sleeping less than three hours at a time... always.

Thirty nine days of tears, laughs, hugs, exhaustion, and pure joy.

Thirty nine days of feeding babies, pumping milk, washing bottles, changing diapers.

Thirty nine days of cycling through every emotion that exists within a matter of minutes at times.

Thirty nine days of falling in love with my husband in a whole new way as we take on the 

immense blessing and challenge of parenting together.

Thirty nine of the best and hardest days of my life.

I can't believe it's only been thirty nine days.

I can't believe it's already been thirty nine days.

I have learned that I can function on far less sleep than I ever thought possible. 

[being a night nurse, I thought I already did this. well, now I reallllllllly do this.]

I have learned that anything and everything has the potential to make me cry.

[the thought of them getting one day older, trying to feed them, Maddie's puckered lip when she cries and Rachel's hoarse high pitched whimper, their snuggles, anyone doing anything for me, sweet texts, cards, verses of encouragement... you name it.]

I have learned that being a mommy is the hardest thing I have ever done. 

Harder than I ever thought possible.

I have learned that being a mommy is the greatest joy I have ever experienced. 

Greater than I ever thought possible.

I have learned that each day is made of moments, and living in this moment is the best way to live. Thank you Mom for this best piece of advice and encouragement you could have given.

I have learned that my Savior's love for me is deeper than I ever really understood.

I have learned He truly is my strength when I am weak.

I am SO thankful for the blessing of being a mommy.

Madelyn Joy and Rachel Claire are the biggest gifts I could have ever received.

Thank you Lord for these moments.

Letter to my Husband

Dear J,

Today you:

asked about the twinsies' movement, 

cleaned up the entire kitchen, 

vacuumed and mopped all the floors, 

cleaned up the back patio and swept the driveway after our wild storm that made such a mess, 

straightened up the house in general,

supported me taking a cat nap,

picked up dinner for us, 

organized the office, 

brainstormed in the nursery with me and moved the heavy items around to my liking, 

encouraged me through my meltdown, 

and put together our minnie mouse swing/bouncer {which was complicated but is so cute!}. 

All with the best attitude ever. 

Have I told you how much I love you? 

You're gonna be the best daddy in the world.

I love being on your team.

Love, me

Remembering Marriage

In being pregnant and eagerly anticipating the arrival of our beautiful baby girls in April... or March... I've been thinking about what life will look like. What does like look like now, and how will it change? I don't have all the answers to that question. I mean, I have a few ideas. And of course people's input. But can you really know?

Now, I wake up a few times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then I climb back into bed. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to fall asleep. Sometimes it doesn't. Soon, I will be woken up many many times to sweet sounds, or loud cries. And I will attempt to feed those babies and put them back to bed. But they might not be ready to go back to bed. And they might still cry. And then I might cry. Because we're all tired. I will wake up in the morning (I think the definition of morning will be redefined... although I am a night nurse, so I like to think I understand the wee hours of the night and morning) exhausted. And I will do it all over again. And it will be worth it.

Now, J and I decide what we want for dinner. If we want to go out, we go out. If we want pizza, we have pizza. Or make quesadillas together. Soon, going out will be a once-thought-of-now-there's-no-way inkling in the back of our minds. We probably won't have 30 minutes of quiet to make quesadillas. There won't be dinner if it wasn't thought up much sooner, or supplied by our amazing families. And it will be worth it.

Now, our house is relatively quiet. I say, "it's too quiet" sometimes and turn on music to fill the space. I talk to the dogs and our little Luigi like they are people. [which they are definitely smarter than most give them credit for]. Soon, there will be moments when I think, can it just be quiet? And once it is quiet, I will tiptoe to protect that quiet. For however many minutes it lasts. But the noise will be worth it.

Now, J and I read before bed. We chat and snuggle. And we go to bed when we want to. [when I'm not working]. Soon, we will be lucky if we get any moments in bed at the same time. One will probably fall into bed exhausted followed by the other after the babies are finally sleeping... for maybe an hour. And it will be worth it.

There will be a thousand little changes. And all of them will be amazing. Some will be challenging. I'm sure there will be times when I wish for the simplicity of now. And now, things don't even seem so simple. But they will soon.

I've been thinking about my husband and how much I love him, and how much I love these girls already. And how these girls are probably going to take quite a bit of attention from our marriage. And that's okay. We know that. 

But I want our marriage to be first. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but I think that's maybe the biggest danger of having children. That suddenly because they cry for attention, they take much of the love too. I don't think it's intentional, and even that it's necessarily bad. But I want to protect our marriage. I want to be more in love with my husband in six months than I am now. And years down the road, when they are all grown, I want to look at my husband and still truly know him. And him to truly know me. 

And for our marriage to be first, God must be first first. Because I know He is our strength. He will carry us and He will be the glue that holds us all together. Because when we love Him, we can love each other, and in turn love our children with the deepest love imaginable. I can't wait!

I've noticed this blog entry floating around the interweb over the last few days. Becky articulates this so much better than I am. Well, she's a few years ahead of me as far as kids go. I'm thankful for others who understand. It's a must-read.

Lord, protect our marriage and our family. Fill us up with love overflowing for each other and for our children, and for you. Be our strength and our center. Thank you for your faithfulness.

Letter to my husband

Dear J, you have been just the sweetest this week. Thanks for 'accidentally forgetting' to take your truck key and filling up my little car's gas tank instead. Thanks for sending me encouraging texts while I'm working to say you love me. You get the mail every day and you've fed the pups for me many evenings this week. I appreciate these things so much. Thanks for organizing the frig and emptying the dishwasher. You really are the cutest house husband. You brought me ice water and a slice of pizza tonight in bed because you knew I was too tired to go get it. I love doing nothing with you and doing everything with you. Thank you for doing the seemingly small tasks for me on a regular basis... They make all the difference. Team J forever. Love, Wife

 

Headed on a Jet Plane

J and I are heading out early tomorrow morning to celebrate life, love and each other 

on the beautiful island of Maui! 

We're pretty much stoked and cannot wait for 

lying on the beach, 

shaved ice, 

our first luau, 

seeing friends, 

and falling in love all over again.

Aloha!

5 Years of Married Us

Today, J and I celebrate five years of marriage.

Incredible to think it all started {officially} just five years ago.

{all photos by the Youngrens}

{here are their blog posts about us!}

 Everything was just right.

Little did we know what we were doing ;).

I love the growth we have shared together.

I love looking back on the experiences we never anticipated experiencing.

But we did. Together.

Every day for five years, we have walked through life hand in hand.

We may not always have been very happy.

But we have always been committed to one another and we have always loved each other.

I'm so thankful for my best friend.

I'm thankful I get to walk through today... and tomorrow.. and the next... with him.

I'm thankful for a Savior who never leaves and who truly has a divine plan.

Happy anniversary honey.

I love you.

Can't wait to celebrate in Maui with you... 3 days baby!!!

A Thankful Heart: Conversations of Hope

I spent much of the morning today talking to J about life.

We discussed finances, the future of our family, and our vision for life.

We shared dreams and together created goals and ideas.

I love heartfelt conversations in which dreaming can happen, the future becomes almost attainable, and the present becomes more amazing than I realized.

Today, I am thankful for the ability to hope,

parameters within which to hope and freedom to then jump outside those limits,

and a husband to jump with.

A thankful heart: Hubby's Words

My husband has spoken some of the most thoughtful, kind, and loving words to me lately.

Consistently. Daily. More than daily.

Tonight, I tried out a couple Thanksgiving recipes for us to try

and asked for his honest opinion.

His response?

Wow, J.

These are so good.

I wouldn't change a thing.

You're amazing.

Great job hun.

I'm so proud of you.

Seriously hun.

I'm so thankful for my husband's encouraging words.

Especially in an area that often intimidates me like cooking.

I'm thankful he gets me and knows just what I need to hear.

I'm thankful he always speaks the truth in love.

And I'm thankful for two successful menu items. :)

husband's encouragement + a couple kitchen successes = 

a wife who feels she can conquer anything!

On the chopping block

J and I have been going through a series of life changes over the last few months.

It's been a challenging and humbling time of understanding God's grace in a whole new way.

The combination of "a whole new J" process that's happening and the "it's time to follow the budget" process we're working on led to the most recent decision.

That, and J just wanted to. 

And I am all about change. 

Sometimes, it's just what you need.

Besides, he's so stinkin' cute anyway, I knew he'd rock the look. 

Like his little bro :)

So I said, let's go baby!

So, we headed to Target last Thursday night and picked up a head buzzer/shaver {whatever they're called}.

Then we went home and I buzzed my baby's hair off.

Yep!!

And he looks GOOD!!!

OK... the photos.

before :)

the weapons supplies

 he had every faith in me. i was nervous. 

"babe we have to use the longest blade first in case I mess up!"

"no, J, just go for it! you can do it!"

 locks of love?

after!!

 he's soooo cute!!!

 emma initially wasn't sure, but the pups quickly warmed up and then were pretty excited.

Babe, I've always told you you can do whatever you want.

That I believe in you and will support you no matter what.

[unless it's crazy dangerous or something... :)]

I'm so proud of you for doing something different,

for being bold,

for stepping out and saying,

change is important. change is good.

I love you.

and you are oh-so-handsome ;-)

{ps: the shirt j's wearing?

the tribute to steve}

Caretaker J+E+B

I'm always thankful for J.

But lately, my hubby has been a rockstar taking care of me.

Over the last week, he has:

taken a couple days off to take care of me during and after my surgery,

made me jello,

brought me whatever my heart desired,

taken care of the animals [feeding and walks],

filled my explorer up with gas,

got me a smog check,

watched Boy Meets World reruns with me,

snuggled with me,

loved me,

took out the trash [a few times],

picked up my prescription,

chauffeured me around town,

eaten soft foods with me,

chatted with me,

encouraged me,

and prayed with me.

I'm so thankful for a husband who cares for me

and puppies who understand.

I have a great family. 

I'm blessed.