Tuesday, January 22, 2013

{fearing} A {un} Filled Home

I have always hoped for and dreamed of and prayed for my family. My husband, my children, my animals, my home, the environment created for my family. And lately, with children being more on the forefront of my mind than in past years {no, none are living in my tummy today}, I have had many more of these thoughts.

But with excitement for children and having a full home comes countless fears.
Part of it could stem from my work as a nurse. I see so many things that can go wrong in pregnancy and birth and having a baby. And I've seen the long-term effects of the challenges that drag on.
But I fear so much.

What if I can't get pregnant. What if my baby is not healthy. What if something goes wrong in the womb. What if I pass on something I didn't even know I had. What if my child gets cancer. What if my child has a chronic condition that requires me to care for him or her every moment of the day. What if I do something wrong that terribly screws up my children. What if they don't see love. What if they don't want to be home. What if I don't know what to do.

Fear is paralyzing. It stops you dead in your tracks and worry keeps you from taking another step.

I used to worry alot. Growing up I was afraid of everything, it seemed. I have come so far as far as fear is concerned. God has shown me He conquers fear and perfect love casts out fear. And so I try to go through my days and keep moving forward and not allow fears or unforeseen worries creep into my mind. Because really, I can't do anything about them!

But this kid thing... my goodness, these are my children I am thinking about. It seems different.

Yet I know God's word is just as true for my children. I know that my {unborn} children are not mine, they are the Lord's. I know if I am blessed to be a mommy he is entrusting these precious children to me for a time. And that is such an honor.

So I rejoice in the blessing of hoping for a full family. A home full of love and peace and joy and laughter. I want to trust the Lord fully with these requests. And each day, little by little, I trust Him more and more.

It's exciting to think about having a family. :)


  1. I do the EXACT same thing because of working in public health! What if we have trouble conceiving?? And then my brain pulls up the statistic on couples that struggle with infertility. What if our child has X,Y, or Z disease? And again, my brain pulls up those stats. It's exhausting. And as you articulated, quite useless. Thanks for formulating your thoughts out loud for the rest of us. Excited for this next phase of our lives (when we get there!), sweet friend!

    1. Oh my goodness, I am so encouraged that I am not alone in this! Thanks friend. I'm excited for us too :) Love you!

  2. You are going to be a great mom, Jordy.

  3. Amen to Lindy's comment. If there has ever been a mom-to-be without worries, I haven't met her, yet we go forward knowing that, in God's hands, the joys outweigh the difficulties forever.