Friday, January 31, 2014

Remembering Marriage

In being pregnant and eagerly anticipating the arrival of our beautiful baby girls in April... or March... I've been thinking about what life will look like. What does like look like now, and how will it change? I don't have all the answers to that question. I mean, I have a few ideas. And of course people's input. But can you really know?

Now, I wake up a few times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then I climb back into bed. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to fall asleep. Sometimes it doesn't. Soon, I will be woken up many many times to sweet sounds, or loud cries. And I will attempt to feed those babies and put them back to bed. But they might not be ready to go back to bed. And they might still cry. And then I might cry. Because we're all tired. I will wake up in the morning (I think the definition of morning will be redefined... although I am a night nurse, so I like to think I understand the wee hours of the night and morning) exhausted. And I will do it all over again. And it will be worth it.

Now, J and I decide what we want for dinner. If we want to go out, we go out. If we want pizza, we have pizza. Or make quesadillas together. Soon, going out will be a once-thought-of-now-there's-no-way inkling in the back of our minds. We probably won't have 30 minutes of quiet to make quesadillas. There won't be dinner if it wasn't thought up much sooner, or supplied by our amazing families. And it will be worth it.

Now, our house is relatively quiet. I say, "it's too quiet" sometimes and turn on music to fill the space. I talk to the dogs and our little Luigi like they are people. [which they are definitely smarter than most give them credit for]. Soon, there will be moments when I think, can it just be quiet? And once it is quiet, I will tiptoe to protect that quiet. For however many minutes it lasts. But the noise will be worth it.

Now, J and I read before bed. We chat and snuggle. And we go to bed when we want to. [when I'm not working]. Soon, we will be lucky if we get any moments in bed at the same time. One will probably fall into bed exhausted followed by the other after the babies are finally sleeping... for maybe an hour. And it will be worth it.

There will be a thousand little changes. And all of them will be amazing. Some will be challenging. I'm sure there will be times when I wish for the simplicity of now. And now, things don't even seem so simple. But they will soon.

I've been thinking about my husband and how much I love him, and how much I love these girls already. And how these girls are probably going to take quite a bit of attention from our marriage. And that's okay. We know that. 

But I want our marriage to be first. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but I think that's maybe the biggest danger of having children. That suddenly because they cry for attention, they take much of the love too. I don't think it's intentional, and even that it's necessarily bad. But I want to protect our marriage. I want to be more in love with my husband in six months than I am now. And years down the road, when they are all grown, I want to look at my husband and still truly know him. And him to truly know me. 

And for our marriage to be first, God must be first first. Because I know He is our strength. He will carry us and He will be the glue that holds us all together. Because when we love Him, we can love each other, and in turn love our children with the deepest love imaginable. I can't wait!

I've noticed this blog entry floating around the interweb over the last few days. Becky articulates this so much better than I am. Well, she's a few years ahead of me as far as kids go. I'm thankful for others who understand. It's a must-read.

Lord, protect our marriage and our family. Fill us up with love overflowing for each other and for our children, and for you. Be our strength and our center. Thank you for your faithfulness.


  1. Aw I love this Jordanna! I have been having similar thoughts lately, and also read that blog post this week. It is good to have company :)

    1. Thanks Alana! Crazy the perspective change that happens in pregnancy :) Excited for you!